Last week I took a holiday to visit some old friends in Stockholm. I lived in Uppsala in Sweden for a year in 2009, and this is only my second visit back in the six years since then.
I love Sweden. Even though I didn’t go to Uppsala this time there is something about Sweden that makes it feel like a 2nd home to me. I cannot even put it in to words what it is — it just calls to me (as do so many other places).
In some ways heading back to Sweden can be difficult. My year in Uppsala was life changing. It was not only an amazing year away, but I also think it was the time and place where I grew up a lot. I was 21 at the time and it was a year that turned me into an adult.
For that reason Sweden will always have an important place in my heart, and in many ways I absolutely miss it to death. I often think back about that year and in some ways wish I could relive it.
This is not me saying that I was happier then than I am now. Quite the opposite. I feel, in many ways, like I have become a better person and gotten happier with every year that I have grown older. I am happily in love, have great partners and friends, love my work and love every bit of travel I do. But somewhere deep inside part of me wants to relive that transformation — go back and experience that time that had such an impact on my life.
I felt this especially heading back this time. Last time I went to Sweden I went with my partner James. Even though James visited me while I was living in Sweden, traveling with him there again made it feel like a bit of a new adventure. We were exploring the country ourselves and in our own way. And it was really great.
But heading back myself felt like I was returning to that year I lived in Uppsala. And in doing so it felt like I’d lost something. I lived in Sweden six years ago, and I am now so different to the person who lived there. The place has changed, I have changed, even my friends (who I had an amazing time visiting) have changed.
In some ways that realisation was tough but in others it was refreshing. It sounds really corny but I tend to think that life happens in chapters. Some are good, some are bad, all are transformational in some way or another. And visiting Sweden again it was nice to finally, in some way, be able to close that chapter. That’s not saying I will never go back. I hope to go back many many times. I have great friends in Sweden and I just love going there.
But I’ve managed to get to the point where I’ve realised that the year I lived in Uppsala is long gone. I will not relive that, nor am I likely to live in Sweden any time in the near future. But that is okay. It was an amazing chapter in my life, but all the chapters afterwards have all been just as amazing in their own way. And now I can see Sweden in a different life — part of new chapters, not just a place where I long for ones past.