Tony Abbott is once again in hot water on same-sex marriage. In an interview with John Laws, in which the two discussed the issue yesterday, Abbott said:
“We have to be conscious of the fact that we are all the products of the society, of the culture, of the circumstances that have shaped us,” he said.
“I’m not saying that our culture, our traditions are perfect, but we have to respect them and my idea is to build on the strength of our society and I support, by and large, evolutionary change.
“I’m not someone who wants to see radical change based on the fashion of the moment.”
Making the comments in the middle of the election campaign, and one in which same-sex marriage has become a hot topic, Abbott’s remarks have (rightfully) drawn the ire of politicians and marriage advocates across the country. And he deserves the attacks he’s gotten. But as we attack, I think it is important that we look at the broader picture here. Because in many ways all Abbott was doing was expressing a sentiment that is still dominant in our community – even in the progressive areas.
When I first ‘came out’ – the funny ritual that all non-heterosexual identifying people have to do at some point of time – one of the most common responses was ‘maybe it’s a phase’. I can’t remember how many times that was suggested to me. It was one of my favourites – along with “when did you find out you were gay” (as if it happened overnight) and “are you sure?”.
I couldn’t tell whether the people were asking me it were hoping that maybe I would snap out of it at some point, find a nice wife, have kids and happily ever after, or if they just genuinely thought that as a 16 year old I must have been going through some sort of crisis and this is how I was dealing with it. Don’t get me wrong, my friends and family we supportive of me no matter my sexuality. But the question had to be asked – was it just a phase I was going through and one that I would come out better at the end of?
Ask any queer and I am certain they would have heard this question. And whilst it may sound innocent it is part of a long history of homophobia.
One of the most enduring ideas around homosexuality is that it is just some form of abberation. Homosexuality is not a real thing, but rather a failure in someone. It could be a failure cause by a crisis, by bad parenting, or more recently though different genetic. For decades we have been searching for the answer, “what causes homosexuality”. We have all the different theories – that there is a gay gene, that it comes from parents bringing you up around queer stuff, that you are ‘born that way’.
And what this has done has bought into a mainstream heteronormative narrative. Heterosexuality is the normal, and homosexuality is the abnormal. It is the thing we must find a reason for, and then (for some) find a cure for. Up until recently homosexuality was considered a medical disorder – something we could treat.
And so it makes sense that it if we think about homosexuality as being abnormal, it is possible that it is just ‘a phase’. The phase thing is only ever brought when people are going through a crisis or are developing their sexuality (i.e. puberty) – a time of change – and therefore one in which doing something abnormal is what is needed. We also assume bisexuality is a phase – but of course to be a bisexual must mean you are in constant crisis – as you can’t ‘decide’ what your sexuality is.
Take this all to a broader level then and it makes sense. Later in the day, Abbott said:
“We’d really moved beyond the subject of same-sex marriage in that discussion.”.
“We were talking about tradition more generally.
“The point I was making really was that conservatives tend to hasten slowly – regardless of the issue.”
Think about it and it makes sense. If we have created a world in which the homosexual is the abnormal – and one created through a mistake somewhere – then culturally what we are seeing is just an abnormal phase. If the homosexual is going through a crisis, then at the moment our culture is just going through a crisis – and one we need to fix. Get our culture back on track and the crisis of homosexuality will disappear too.
Whilst this may not be a view that is expressed widely anymore (unless you live in a place like Russia), as long as we consider homosexuality as the abnormal, it is one that will stick around. And it is this idea that Abbott unexpectedly expressed yesterday – an idea with decades of history, and one that still lingers in our society. An idea that is embedded even in the progressive and accepting circles I have lived my entire life around.
This shows how much more we have to do with sexuality. My argument is not that sexuality is defined and set – once we decide we’re gay we’re set and that’s it. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sexuality is fluid.
But the reality is that we still assume, and for many hope, that it is only homosexual sexuality that is fluid and never heterosexual sexuality. Bisexuals are always just playing around with members of their own sex – they will eventually play for the hetero team. Teenagers are just going through a bit of a crisis and they’re expressing it through homosexual feelings, they will get over it. It is just a phase.
And in doing so we regularly take away the agency of queer people. We tell queer people that we are just in a crisis, but it is okay, you will be fixed soon. You have just been corrupted. And we do this and then wonder why queer people have higher rates of mental health problems and suicide.
That is the really terrifying thing about Abbott’s statements. It’s not that his views are out of whack in relation to marriage – in fact through my experience I think a lot of his sentiment is pretty in line with what a lot of people say about homosexuality – even those who are nice enough to want to give us marriage. What’s terrifying is that it accurately reflects this sentiment – one that sees homosexuality as a phase, an issue that young people can fix, one maybe that we will get out of. It is a sentiment that is disappearing, but one that Abbott is clearly still stuck in – a sentiment that hurts queer people everywhere.
Today I don’t here about the phase thing any more. Being in a stable relationship for 7 years does that. But the impact is still there – an impact of being told that you have no agency around you sexuality.
Next time you go to ask a young queer kid if their sexuality is ‘just a phase’, think of Tony Abbott, and then please stop.